Holiday Relationships

For many, the holidays involve gathering with family and friends.  When we are around people who have known us for a long time, they know and remember the version of us they always knew.  However, as we grow and change through our personal experiences, so does the way we think, what matters to us, and how we respond.  

It can be difficult to be around people who know the old version of you. They assume they can treat you the way they always have, and expect you to respond in the way they have known you to do.  Often they are unaware of doing this. If these people matter to you, and you consider them to be an important part of your life, you want to be able to spend time with them and enjoy the experience.

 People treat us the way we allow them to treat us, thus it becomes vital to communicate with them to create and maintain the relationship we value.  

4 Things to keep in mind this holiday:

  1. Boundaries are important. 
    Often, people expect of us what we have always agreed to do.  Setting boundaries and saying no to things you are not comfortable with, teaches people what they can and cannot ask of you.  If you don’t set the boundary, they will always expect the same things from you.

  2. Always be yourself and never compromise who you are to please anyone else.  Be you.  You are enough.  You are loved.  You matter.
    Life is too short to conform to the expectations of others.  Yes, it is painful to stand up and declare who you are to others.  There are many who will reject this new you or try to fit you into the box they think you belong in.  Those who truly care about you could take some time to adjust, but when you claim yourself and be true to who you are, they will eventually embrace this version of you.  Those that don’t will never be happy unless you conform to their wishes.  Letting go of such relationships does hurt, but it also creates room for new relationships with a tribe that supports you completely.  You will find your tribe – as you fully step into who you are, you will attract the people who are on the same vibration.

  3. Reject the idea that you have to associate with anyone that makes you unhappy just because you always have, or they are family. 
    You don’t. You have no obligation to be around them. Your life is yours to live and if anyone makes you feel bad about yourself, you don’t have to be around them.  It is an act of self-care to ensure that the people you give your time to, treat you well.  

  4. Communication is the soul of a relationship. 
    Ask the person you wish to develop a relationship with to listen with an open mind and heart, and then do the same for them.  For people you want to retain relationships with, let them know what you are feeling, and what they can expect from you. Allow them to express themselves too. Often people forget that just as they changed, you did too.  Sometimes we have to stop and remind them of that and give them a chance to know the new version of us.  

Treasure the time you have and use it to develop relationships that bring joy to your life.

What have you decided to say NO to this holiday?

Many Blessings,




This debut memoir chronicles a woman’s spiritual exploration and growth as she overcame a disturbing childhood and helped others heal.

Brought to America from the Dominican Republic as a youngster, Molina-Marshall should have led a happy life. Her father was a diligent worker, and his large family wanted for nothing. But the author recounts that her dad had a drinking problem and was a serial philanderer. Molina-Marshall’s long-suffering mother left him for a woman. Then it was all downhill for the bright, 12-year-old girl, who was shuttled between foster care and relatives. According to the author, she was sexually abused by the husband of one of her siblings. This resulted in Molina-Marshall becoming alienated and moody. By 15, she simply tried to survive. In her favor were grit and a restless intelligence. She quit school, rented a room, and found a factory job. Time went by, and for a while she was happily married. Yet when her husband left her, her life truly began. She turned to religion for answers but decided that blaming God for her woes was a cop-out. 

In this absorbing and moving memoir, Molina-Marshall’s vivid storytelling is fearless. She frankly discusses the truths she discovered and the indignities she suffered. These admissions are disclosed with a touch of resignation and plenty of bite. However painful, everything she experienced was a lesson, and she bravely realized that she was part of the problem: “The fear of being hurt, rejected, or abused often led to me feeling lonely and misunderstood. No one knew the agonizing pain I felt being trapped in my thoughts and anger. I was becoming my biggest threat.” 

The author skillfully recounts her intricate spiritual journey. To deal with her psychic wounds, she searched for an inspirational system. Her open-mindedness led her to the interfaith concept—cherry-picking from various religions and spiritual movements, yoga, and Indigenous beliefs as a way of finding peace. Along with her female partner, she built a therapy practice, making use of every spiritual element that aided her and others. The road was bumpy, and she found that women of color in same-sex relationships were not welcomed everywhere. To do good works—and finally live on her own terms—she effectively overcame bigotry.

An engrossing, cathartic account of empathy and success through determination and confidence.

Pub Date: May 3, 2022   |    ISBN: 978-0-578-38315-6  |   Page Count: 264    | Publisher: From Trauma to Triumph  |   Review Posted Online: June 13, 2022