Disclosure

Many friends and family believe that I should not talk about my childhood sexual abuse. They say it has been too long since it took place.  They suggest I think about how it would affect my family.  Should I or shouldn’t I disclose/share my secret?

 Discussions around disclosure are very personal.  This too can only be assessed by the survivor.question-mark

More importantly than should one disclose is the question of when and too whom, and for what purpose.  It is always risky to disclose that you have been sexually abused. 

You want to consider whether your confidentiality will be honored, whether the people you share it with will offer support or judgement and whether you will be believed.  It is also recommended to not disclose with the expectation that the perpetrator may then apologize or ask for forgiveness. 

Disclosing is about breaking the silence, no longer holding the paralyzing and shameful secret of what was done to you.  

Many survivors keep the silence/the secret for many years, sometimes having no verbal memories, and at other times unconsciously repressing and denying the memories, because to remember can be overwhelming. 

At times disclosing becomes available to the survivor when the perpetrator no longer has power/ access to the survivor; they die or become incapacitated or by some mean get disarmed and disempowered.

 Disclosing frames, the beginning of the healing journey.

 It is that this moment when the survivor begins to address their needs and concerns for themself and place that above other’s needs.  It is not necessary to disclose to family and friends, but disclosing, at least to a trusted friend, a professional /healer or at a group of other survivors, when ready, is suggested.

 

What are your thoughts about sharing your experiences with others? 

If you have a sexual abuse history, have you shared your experience with your family? 

What was their response?

 

Please know that I am with you in your journey.  Feel free to share your thoughts with me and let me know how I can support you in your life.

Be Well, Be Blessed.

Santa

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RUNNING THROUGH DARKNESS
MEMOIR OF A SPIRITUAL WARRIOR

BY SANTA MOLINA-MARSHALL ‧ RELEASE DATE: MAY 3, 2022

This debut memoir chronicles a woman’s spiritual exploration and growth as she overcame a disturbing childhood and helped others heal.

Brought to America from the Dominican Republic as a youngster, Molina-Marshall should have led a happy life. Her father was a diligent worker, and his large family wanted for nothing. But the author recounts that her dad had a drinking problem and was a serial philanderer. Molina-Marshall’s long-suffering mother left him for a woman. Then it was all downhill for the bright, 12-year-old girl, who was shuttled between foster care and relatives. According to the author, she was sexually abused by the husband of one of her siblings. This resulted in Molina-Marshall becoming alienated and moody. By 15, she simply tried to survive. In her favor were grit and a restless intelligence. She quit school, rented a room, and found a factory job. Time went by, and for a while she was happily married. Yet when her husband left her, her life truly began. She turned to religion for answers but decided that blaming God for her woes was a cop-out. 

In this absorbing and moving memoir, Molina-Marshall’s vivid storytelling is fearless. She frankly discusses the truths she discovered and the indignities she suffered. These admissions are disclosed with a touch of resignation and plenty of bite. However painful, everything she experienced was a lesson, and she bravely realized that she was part of the problem: “The fear of being hurt, rejected, or abused often led to me feeling lonely and misunderstood. No one knew the agonizing pain I felt being trapped in my thoughts and anger. I was becoming my biggest threat.” 

The author skillfully recounts her intricate spiritual journey. To deal with her psychic wounds, she searched for an inspirational system. Her open-mindedness led her to the interfaith concept—cherry-picking from various religions and spiritual movements, yoga, and Indigenous beliefs as a way of finding peace. Along with her female partner, she built a therapy practice, making use of every spiritual element that aided her and others. The road was bumpy, and she found that women of color in same-sex relationships were not welcomed everywhere. To do good works—and finally live on her own terms—she effectively overcame bigotry.

An engrossing, cathartic account of empathy and success through determination and confidence.

Pub Date: May 3, 2022   |    ISBN: 978-0-578-38315-6  |   Page Count: 264    | Publisher: From Trauma to Triumph  |   Review Posted Online: June 13, 2022