Resilience in choice

We often think of resilience as the ability to push through, with the knowing that if we keep on going, we find something better on the other side.

We can become resilient to things that hurt us. We can teach ourselves to become resilient enough to experience the hurt, and then release it; to face hurt head-on and decide how to deal with it. We do this by allowing ourselves to feel what we need to. Then we step back and look at where the hurt is coming from.  Why do we feel so hurt?  What has this experience taught us? Finally, we remind ourselves that it is okay to feel hurt as long as we don’t linger in the hurt, but take the lesson from the pain and move forward.

Sometimes we push toward what is hurting us. We may do this because of the belief that by forcing our way through the situation, we will find healing. We may think that experiencing pain is the only way forward. 

What if we create a new meaning for resilience? We can develop the knowledge of when to push through because it is the right course; and when the better option is to be resilient enough to stop, change direction and choose a different path instead of trying to bend the current path to our will?  Our feelings guide us. If we take a moment to listen to our feelings – the emotions and the physical reactions we have in our bodies – we can be guided about which path is the right one.Two paths fork in the road. Which will you choose?

Being resilient enough to know when it is time to change takes practice.  We as humans, generally feel we need to stay the path in a choice we made.  We often feel as though we need to see it through to the end before we can determine if this is the right path.  Sometimes this comes from the need to prove to ourselves or to someone else that we did make a good choice, no matter what it costs us to be on this path.

What if we instead stop and evaluate the path we are on and the pain of pushing through? What if we take time to see whether changing direction would be a better and less painful choice?

Take a moment and think about a situation that you are dealing with that requires you to tap into your resilience.  Now, as you think about the path you are moving towards, what feelings are generated both emotionally and within your physical body?   Think of a different path.  Perhaps you change course altogether or shift direction slightly.  What feelings do you experience with this choice?

We will get to the other side of whatever we are dealing with.  We don’t have to suffer along the journey.  We can choose the easier path, the path less fraught with pain, no matter what led us on this journey in the first place.   We can choose to stop where we are and decide on a new way forward.  This is the magic of being human.  In every situation we have a choice, and at every point of the path, we have a choice. Sometimes this choice is the indirect action of changing our perspective or our feelings on a subject.  We just need to be open to looking at these choices and deciding when it is the right time to stay the course or to fork off onto a new path. Your being knows.

What path is the right direction forward for you from where you are now?

Many Blessings,




This debut memoir chronicles a woman’s spiritual exploration and growth as she overcame a disturbing childhood and helped others heal.

Brought to America from the Dominican Republic as a youngster, Molina-Marshall should have led a happy life. Her father was a diligent worker, and his large family wanted for nothing. But the author recounts that her dad had a drinking problem and was a serial philanderer. Molina-Marshall’s long-suffering mother left him for a woman. Then it was all downhill for the bright, 12-year-old girl, who was shuttled between foster care and relatives. According to the author, she was sexually abused by the husband of one of her siblings. This resulted in Molina-Marshall becoming alienated and moody. By 15, she simply tried to survive. In her favor were grit and a restless intelligence. She quit school, rented a room, and found a factory job. Time went by, and for a while she was happily married. Yet when her husband left her, her life truly began. She turned to religion for answers but decided that blaming God for her woes was a cop-out. 

In this absorbing and moving memoir, Molina-Marshall’s vivid storytelling is fearless. She frankly discusses the truths she discovered and the indignities she suffered. These admissions are disclosed with a touch of resignation and plenty of bite. However painful, everything she experienced was a lesson, and she bravely realized that she was part of the problem: “The fear of being hurt, rejected, or abused often led to me feeling lonely and misunderstood. No one knew the agonizing pain I felt being trapped in my thoughts and anger. I was becoming my biggest threat.” 

The author skillfully recounts her intricate spiritual journey. To deal with her psychic wounds, she searched for an inspirational system. Her open-mindedness led her to the interfaith concept—cherry-picking from various religions and spiritual movements, yoga, and Indigenous beliefs as a way of finding peace. Along with her female partner, she built a therapy practice, making use of every spiritual element that aided her and others. The road was bumpy, and she found that women of color in same-sex relationships were not welcomed everywhere. To do good works—and finally live on her own terms—she effectively overcame bigotry.

An engrossing, cathartic account of empathy and success through determination and confidence.

Pub Date: May 3, 2022   |    ISBN: 978-0-578-38315-6  |   Page Count: 264    | Publisher: From Trauma to Triumph  |   Review Posted Online: June 13, 2022