Step 2. Never Make Assumptions

Dear Reader, we discussed how to maintain conscious dialogue. Now we move onto something we are all guilty of doing at one time or another – making assumptions.  “Assumption” is defined as something that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.

We have all, at one time or another, made assumptions. These perceived truths then influence the actions and decisions we make with regard to a certain person or situation, which in turn sparks a chain reaction.  It is human nature to do this and comes from a lack of awareness.

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To build strong relationships, the best way to start is with true clarity and understanding of the situation or event taking place.

This is where step 2 comes in.

Step 2: Never Make Assumptions

If you are feeling confused and can’t believe what has been said, don’t assume that you know – instead, ask for clarity – especially when you are doubting, feeling self-conscious or judged;  or when you are in need, vulnerable, scared or hurt. 

Expanding on the tool from step one, Maintaining Conscious Dialogue, say:  “What I hear you say is… is this what you meant?”

“Did you mean it in the way I am receiving it?”

Perhaps make a statement such as, “I know you do not mean to offend, hurt, undermine me, disempower me….” (or whatever  words best describe that which seems to upset or offend you).

Get into the habit of saying, “I know you only wish well for me, so, please help me to understand”.

The more aware we are, the less assumptions we will make.  Sometimes we need to admit that we don’t know, and not fear not knowing or being afraid to ask.

Always ask for and then accept what is. This is AWARENESS.

Do your best in every exchange to bring a positive outcome. But dear Reader, keep in mind that a relationship involves two people and for a successful outcome, it requires both parties to work together.  You are responsible for your part and the other party for theirs – together this determines the outcome.

  • Do you find yourself acting from an assumption? Think about this and answer honestly, dear Reader
  • What was the last situation in which your assumptions proved to be false?
  • Have you tried applying the above tools? What results have you noticed from this?




This debut memoir chronicles a woman’s spiritual exploration and growth as she overcame a disturbing childhood and helped others heal.

Brought to America from the Dominican Republic as a youngster, Molina-Marshall should have led a happy life. Her father was a diligent worker, and his large family wanted for nothing. But the author recounts that her dad had a drinking problem and was a serial philanderer. Molina-Marshall’s long-suffering mother left him for a woman. Then it was all downhill for the bright, 12-year-old girl, who was shuttled between foster care and relatives. According to the author, she was sexually abused by the husband of one of her siblings. This resulted in Molina-Marshall becoming alienated and moody. By 15, she simply tried to survive. In her favor were grit and a restless intelligence. She quit school, rented a room, and found a factory job. Time went by, and for a while she was happily married. Yet when her husband left her, her life truly began. She turned to religion for answers but decided that blaming God for her woes was a cop-out. 

In this absorbing and moving memoir, Molina-Marshall’s vivid storytelling is fearless. She frankly discusses the truths she discovered and the indignities she suffered. These admissions are disclosed with a touch of resignation and plenty of bite. However painful, everything she experienced was a lesson, and she bravely realized that she was part of the problem: “The fear of being hurt, rejected, or abused often led to me feeling lonely and misunderstood. No one knew the agonizing pain I felt being trapped in my thoughts and anger. I was becoming my biggest threat.” 

The author skillfully recounts her intricate spiritual journey. To deal with her psychic wounds, she searched for an inspirational system. Her open-mindedness led her to the interfaith concept—cherry-picking from various religions and spiritual movements, yoga, and Indigenous beliefs as a way of finding peace. Along with her female partner, she built a therapy practice, making use of every spiritual element that aided her and others. The road was bumpy, and she found that women of color in same-sex relationships were not welcomed everywhere. To do good works—and finally live on her own terms—she effectively overcame bigotry.

An engrossing, cathartic account of empathy and success through determination and confidence.

Pub Date: May 3, 2022   |    ISBN: 978-0-578-38315-6  |   Page Count: 264    | Publisher: From Trauma to Triumph  |   Review Posted Online: June 13, 2022