Step 3. Eliminating the Score Card

How do you see life?  No one’s experience can be identical to any other person’s experience of life.  Life is not a race – it does not keep a scorecard!

Dear Reader, right now, think about someone you interact with often – do you find yourself keeping track of your past interactions with them and their responses?

How many times have you been in a heated discussion with someone and experienced them bringing up something that happened, or that was said, months or years ago?

Navigating relationships can be tricky.  Often times we tend to build a list of what we feel is the other party’s transgressions – perhaps not intentionally or even consciously – but we are all guilty of it. 

This colors our perspective and influences how we respond, react and even listen to what is being said.

This leads us to step 3:

Eliminating the Score Card:

The Score Card is a system that we consciously or unconsciously use to keep track of every interaction in which we feel we were wronged or let down.

For a successful relationship, it is vital to eliminate the Score Card.3.scorecard

Honor that each moment is a new one; there is no need to keep a Score Card and then hold each other to it.  It is vital to let go of statements like:  “You always do or say…” 

Allow people to show up with a clean slate.

Evaluate what is being offered in the moment.

We need to allow for change – even if it means admitting we were wrong.   We don’t need to hold on to being wrong for fear of getting another negative point. 

Unless you are talking about the patterns of the relationship, you should assume there is no pattern, and go from there.

 Focus on the loving kindness that you know your partner brings “all the time”.

Putting the steps we are discussing into practice it is possible to make each interaction a positive one.  But bear in mind that it takes both people to make a relationship a positive and healthy one.  You can only do your part while the other party must do theirs. Together this will determine the outcome of the relationship.

  • Do you find that you have been keeping scorecards?  Think about this and answer honestly, dear Reader.
  • Pick just one relationship in your life and eliminate the scorecard from it.  Please share the results you’ve noticed when doing this.