Step 3. Eliminating the Score Card

How do you see life?  No one’s experience can be identical to any other person’s experience of life.  Life is not a race – it does not keep a scorecard!

Dear Reader, right now, think about someone you interact with often – do you find yourself keeping track of your past interactions with them and their responses?

How many times have you been in a heated discussion with someone and experienced them bringing up something that happened, or that was said, months or years ago?

Navigating relationships can be tricky.  Often times we tend to build a list of what we feel is the other party’s transgressions – perhaps not intentionally or even consciously – but we are all guilty of it. 

This colors our perspective and influences how we respond, react and even listen to what is being said.

This leads us to step 3:

Eliminating the Score Card:

The Score Card is a system that we consciously or unconsciously use to keep track of every interaction in which we feel we were wronged or let down.

For a successful relationship, it is vital to eliminate the Score Card.3.scorecard

Honor that each moment is a new one; there is no need to keep a Score Card and then hold each other to it.  It is vital to let go of statements like:  “You always do or say…” 

Allow people to show up with a clean slate.

Evaluate what is being offered in the moment.

We need to allow for change – even if it means admitting we were wrong.   We don’t need to hold on to being wrong for fear of getting another negative point. 

Unless you are talking about the patterns of the relationship, you should assume there is no pattern, and go from there.

 Focus on the loving kindness that you know your partner brings “all the time”.

Putting the steps we are discussing into practice it is possible to make each interaction a positive one.  But bear in mind that it takes both people to make a relationship a positive and healthy one.  You can only do your part while the other party must do theirs. Together this will determine the outcome of the relationship.

  • Do you find that you have been keeping scorecards?  Think about this and answer honestly, dear Reader.
  • Pick just one relationship in your life and eliminate the scorecard from it.  Please share the results you’ve noticed when doing this.




This debut memoir chronicles a woman’s spiritual exploration and growth as she overcame a disturbing childhood and helped others heal.

Brought to America from the Dominican Republic as a youngster, Molina-Marshall should have led a happy life. Her father was a diligent worker, and his large family wanted for nothing. But the author recounts that her dad had a drinking problem and was a serial philanderer. Molina-Marshall’s long-suffering mother left him for a woman. Then it was all downhill for the bright, 12-year-old girl, who was shuttled between foster care and relatives. According to the author, she was sexually abused by the husband of one of her siblings. This resulted in Molina-Marshall becoming alienated and moody. By 15, she simply tried to survive. In her favor were grit and a restless intelligence. She quit school, rented a room, and found a factory job. Time went by, and for a while she was happily married. Yet when her husband left her, her life truly began. She turned to religion for answers but decided that blaming God for her woes was a cop-out. 

In this absorbing and moving memoir, Molina-Marshall’s vivid storytelling is fearless. She frankly discusses the truths she discovered and the indignities she suffered. These admissions are disclosed with a touch of resignation and plenty of bite. However painful, everything she experienced was a lesson, and she bravely realized that she was part of the problem: “The fear of being hurt, rejected, or abused often led to me feeling lonely and misunderstood. No one knew the agonizing pain I felt being trapped in my thoughts and anger. I was becoming my biggest threat.” 

The author skillfully recounts her intricate spiritual journey. To deal with her psychic wounds, she searched for an inspirational system. Her open-mindedness led her to the interfaith concept—cherry-picking from various religions and spiritual movements, yoga, and Indigenous beliefs as a way of finding peace. Along with her female partner, she built a therapy practice, making use of every spiritual element that aided her and others. The road was bumpy, and she found that women of color in same-sex relationships were not welcomed everywhere. To do good works—and finally live on her own terms—she effectively overcame bigotry.

An engrossing, cathartic account of empathy and success through determination and confidence.

Pub Date: May 3, 2022   |    ISBN: 978-0-578-38315-6  |   Page Count: 264    | Publisher: From Trauma to Triumph  |   Review Posted Online: June 13, 2022