The lens through which we view ourselves

The way we see ourselves is a compilation of the circumstances we grew up with, the people who influenced our lives, and the experiences we had.  All these factors have in small increments shaped the lens through which we view ourselves and define our worth.

Our parents and teachers, however well-meaning, may have said something that really stuck with us.  For those of us who have experienced trauma, we may find the experience has changed the way we view ourselves, our abilities and our worth. 

All of us have been defined by these factors in some way.  Perhaps it shows up in the form of not applying for a job because you think you may not be good enough or that you don’t know enough.  Meanwhile, had you taken the chance to apply, you may have been the best and most desirable candidate.  Perhaps youThe lens through which we view ourselves have not allowed yourself to be fully happy or go after a dream because a past experience has you believing that you do not have the right to be happy or that you will not do the dream justice.  Yet, it is the belief you currently hold that stops you.

We often sabotage ourselves without realizing that we are doing so.  The beliefs that have shaped us, cause us to unconsciously create excuses, limits, and barriers – the result is that we find ways and reasons not to fulfil our desires.

What would your life look like if you didn’t limit yourself?  Other people and circumstances may have shaped our beliefs, but we can choose to either keep those beliefs or change them.  We can let go of the beliefs that no longer serve us, and replace them with empowering beliefs instead.

  1. Take 15 minutes and make a list of all the things you love about yourself. Next to each item, write down who the belief came from, where you heard it, or if it came from you.
  2. Now make a list of all your perceived flaws. Next to each item write down who the belief came from, where you heard it, what experience this belief arose from, or if it came from you.

Have you found that many of your perceived flaws stem from the expectations of others or from society’s definition of what life should look like?

Each of our journeys is unique.  Where we are, what success looks like to us, what our bodies should look like and what we desire for our lives, is an individual choice.  

On your second list, those perceived flaws, have you found that many of them are not how you really feel about yourself?  Next to each of those items, write down what your real belief is instead. Move these items to a new list of things to love about yourself.   Perhaps there are a few beliefs left that you actually think are true flaws.  What would you rather have those beliefs be instead?  Can you, in small increments, change the way you feel and think about those beliefs?  Visualize what it would look like for you if each of those beliefs was something you could love about yourself.  Keep holding that vision until it feels true for you.

We cannot control the external circumstances, but we can control how we see and feel about ourselves. Love yourself with the same depth and forgiveness with which you love those around you.

What is your favorite quality about yourself? Share in the comments.  List at least one thing you love about  yourself, first thing every morning, to remind yourself what an awesome being you are.

Many Blessings,




This debut memoir chronicles a woman’s spiritual exploration and growth as she overcame a disturbing childhood and helped others heal.

Brought to America from the Dominican Republic as a youngster, Molina-Marshall should have led a happy life. Her father was a diligent worker, and his large family wanted for nothing. But the author recounts that her dad had a drinking problem and was a serial philanderer. Molina-Marshall’s long-suffering mother left him for a woman. Then it was all downhill for the bright, 12-year-old girl, who was shuttled between foster care and relatives. According to the author, she was sexually abused by the husband of one of her siblings. This resulted in Molina-Marshall becoming alienated and moody. By 15, she simply tried to survive. In her favor were grit and a restless intelligence. She quit school, rented a room, and found a factory job. Time went by, and for a while she was happily married. Yet when her husband left her, her life truly began. She turned to religion for answers but decided that blaming God for her woes was a cop-out. 

In this absorbing and moving memoir, Molina-Marshall’s vivid storytelling is fearless. She frankly discusses the truths she discovered and the indignities she suffered. These admissions are disclosed with a touch of resignation and plenty of bite. However painful, everything she experienced was a lesson, and she bravely realized that she was part of the problem: “The fear of being hurt, rejected, or abused often led to me feeling lonely and misunderstood. No one knew the agonizing pain I felt being trapped in my thoughts and anger. I was becoming my biggest threat.” 

The author skillfully recounts her intricate spiritual journey. To deal with her psychic wounds, she searched for an inspirational system. Her open-mindedness led her to the interfaith concept—cherry-picking from various religions and spiritual movements, yoga, and Indigenous beliefs as a way of finding peace. Along with her female partner, she built a therapy practice, making use of every spiritual element that aided her and others. The road was bumpy, and she found that women of color in same-sex relationships were not welcomed everywhere. To do good works—and finally live on her own terms—she effectively overcame bigotry.

An engrossing, cathartic account of empathy and success through determination and confidence.

Pub Date: May 3, 2022   |    ISBN: 978-0-578-38315-6  |   Page Count: 264    | Publisher: From Trauma to Triumph  |   Review Posted Online: June 13, 2022