Step 10. Knowing the illusion of separation

Dear Reader, sometimes being surrounded by others, even while in a relationship, one can feel lonely and isolated.

This state of disconnect or separation is just an illusion and based on our feeling in that moment.

Much of the way we feel comes from how we perceive the situation.  

Consciously changing the way we perceive our situation and it will change the way we feel.

All of us experience this feeling of being alone at one time or another, and it can greatly impact our relationships.  More often than not, our partner is not even aware of our inner state.  Vocalizing our feelings is vital.

Step 10. Knowing the illusion of separation:

Whenever you are feeling isolated and alone, know that you are just imagining it. 10. flower 736384 340

You and your partner are always connected and there are moments you just need to ask for connection. 

It helps at times, to state that you are feeling disconnected or separate from the other person.

Know that we are all one.

When you experience the sense of separation, abandonment or rejection, realize that you are in an illusion.

The truth is that we never separate – we only feel separate.

Agree to being in loving kindness.

Bear in mind that you are not the only one in this relationship that might feel this way.  It takes both you and your partner working together, sharing honestly with one another, to build a successful and strong relationship.


  • What can you do to remind yourself that you are not alone; that separation is just an illusion?
  • Are you feeling disconnected and alone right now?  Will you share this with your partner and are you willing to ask for a connection?



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This debut memoir chronicles a woman’s spiritual exploration and growth as she overcame a disturbing childhood and helped others heal.

Brought to America from the Dominican Republic as a youngster, Molina-Marshall should have led a happy life. Her father was a diligent worker, and his large family wanted for nothing. But the author recounts that her dad had a drinking problem and was a serial philanderer. Molina-Marshall’s long-suffering mother left him for a woman. Then it was all downhill for the bright, 12-year-old girl, who was shuttled between foster care and relatives. According to the author, she was sexually abused by the husband of one of her siblings. This resulted in Molina-Marshall becoming alienated and moody. By 15, she simply tried to survive. In her favor were grit and a restless intelligence. She quit school, rented a room, and found a factory job. Time went by, and for a while she was happily married. Yet when her husband left her, her life truly began. She turned to religion for answers but decided that blaming God for her woes was a cop-out. 

In this absorbing and moving memoir, Molina-Marshall’s vivid storytelling is fearless. She frankly discusses the truths she discovered and the indignities she suffered. These admissions are disclosed with a touch of resignation and plenty of bite. However painful, everything she experienced was a lesson, and she bravely realized that she was part of the problem: “The fear of being hurt, rejected, or abused often led to me feeling lonely and misunderstood. No one knew the agonizing pain I felt being trapped in my thoughts and anger. I was becoming my biggest threat.” 

The author skillfully recounts her intricate spiritual journey. To deal with her psychic wounds, she searched for an inspirational system. Her open-mindedness led her to the interfaith concept—cherry-picking from various religions and spiritual movements, yoga, and Indigenous beliefs as a way of finding peace. Along with her female partner, she built a therapy practice, making use of every spiritual element that aided her and others. The road was bumpy, and she found that women of color in same-sex relationships were not welcomed everywhere. To do good works—and finally live on her own terms—she effectively overcame bigotry.

An engrossing, cathartic account of empathy and success through determination and confidence.

Pub Date: May 3, 2022   |    ISBN: 978-0-578-38315-6  |   Page Count: 264    | Publisher: From Trauma to Triumph  |   Review Posted Online: June 13, 2022